Going Gluten Free? Start Here.

My youngest kids both have Celiac Disease (CD). At two and a half, Asher was a mere 17 pounds. "Failure to thrive" is one of the primary symptoms of CD in children. Because it's also a sign of a million other frightening conditions, kids aren't usually given an official diagnosis of CD until a plethora of tests have been completed. These tests are time consuming and expensive. Not to mention, terrifying. Asher squirmed through not one, but two "sweat tests"--the gold standard for diagnosing Cystic Fibrosis. When those came back negative, our doctor recommended we see a pediatric gastroenterologist, as his next "best guess" was Type-1 Diabetes or "something like Crohn's." Google is a useful tool no doubt, but I practically worried myself into an ulcer reading up on one disease after another while waiting on our referral to the specialist.

Frankie was diagnosed surgically, after undergoing full anesthesia at age two--a stressor in its own right.  Celiac Disease is an auto-immune disorder of the small intestine. Gluten (a stretchy protein found in wheat, barley, spelt, and rye) blunts the intestinal villi that move food through our bodies and absorb vitamins and nutrients. As long as no gluten is consumed, a person with "Celiacs" can live a healthy life and absorb nutrients correctly. However, even the slightest bit of gluten exposure can trigger a weeks-long immune reaction and repeated ingestion can cause infertility, cancer, and even death. Once you go "gluten free," there's no turning back. Overall, having been forced to consider the treatment and consequences of so many potential diseases, I'm grateful that this is the hand we've been dealt. I'd imagine most parents, like me, are relieved to find out they're only dealing with dietary restrictions, when moments before receiving test results death seemed on the line.

None of this makes the transition to a gluten-free lifestyle easier though. Sure, there are thousands of blogs, magazines, and cookbooks dedicated to gluten-free cooking, but how do you know which are worth reading? Where do you start? It seems easy enough 'til your first post-gluten trip to the grocery store. Gluten is everywhere! Did you know the number one ingredient of most soy sauce is wheat? That doesn't even make sense. And why isn't lunch meat just meat? Now add to the fact that you're giving up bread for-ev-er the realization that your child will never eat school lunch, never eat cake at a friend's birthday party, and will almost certainly get sick any time you eat out. Suddenly, despite the initial relief of your kid's diagnosis, Celiac Disease is totally overwhelming.

Take heart! In no time you'll be used to reading labels, packing lunches, and will learn to always have a stash of GF cupcakes in the freezer for last-minute invitations to your neighbor's picnic. Until then, here are some tips to get you started:

FORGET ABOUT BREAD! Seriously. Give it up. Take a full year off before you begin searching for the perfect substitute. Why? Because nothing tastes like wheat and you are going to be disappointed with the alternatives. After you've gone a good long while without the "real thing" though, you'll be able to appreciate that even though rice flour/potato starch/tapioca bread doesn't taste the same, it still tastes good. Taste-testing GF bread right off the bat is a total buzz kill.

Commit your whole family to eating GF foods. You will wear yourself ragged trying to keep up with two menus, not to mention the fear of cross-contamination. This is going to make things harder at first but you've got to remember a couple of things. As a family, you're a team! For the rest of their lives your kids are going to be the "odd man out" when it comes to communal dining experiences. Home should not be another place where they can't have what everyone else is having. There may be a few exceptions, but generally, if you're kid(s) can't eat it, don't buy it. When you are craving bagels or just really want some cookie dough ice cream, hire a babysitter and indulge on date night. Then wash your hands well and call it a day.

Look no further than your Asian market or the local taco stand for kid-friendly meal options. Indian, Thai, Korean, and Japanese foods are all inherently gluten (dairy, peanut, and most other allergens) free. Mexican food is a lifesaver! Who doesn't love tacos? Every grocery store in the states carries gluten-free corn tortillas and chicken, ground beef, and shredded pork are all easy to use in leftovers. Do tacos one night and loaded baked potatoes the next! Most kids with CD are also lactose intolerant, which means they can't drink milk but yogurt and butter are still okay. Plain yogurt makes a great sub for sour cream and nothing seals the deal like real butter, right?
 
Because my kids have additional sensitivities to soy, I often joke that we're "Paleo" by default. Even if you choose not to adopt a Paleo lifestyle, Paleo blogs and cookbooks are helpful because they're guaranteed to be gluten and dairy free! We use almond or sunflower butter in place of peanut butter and still enjoy classics like "ants on a log" or PB & B--peanut butter and bananas. Wait, make that AB & B.

My favorite easy Paleo cookbooks are 'Primal Blueprint' by Mark Sisson and 'Practical Paleo' by Diane Sanfilippo. Both authors also have terrific websites, check them out here: Mark's Daily Apple and Diane's Balanced Bites. I also recommend everyone read 'Deep Nutrition: Why Your Genes Need Traditional Foods' for a better understanding of why gluten can be so problematic and how to heal several gut and auto-immune disorders through diet

As a general rule I hate gluten-free specialty blogs and websites because what they lack in wheat they make up for in sugar. When first starting out, it's easy to get scammed into buying stuff just because your kids can still technically eat it. Oh, Fruity Pebbles are GF? I'll take 10 boxes. GF Pillsbury? Score! Except, not really. Junk is still junk, cookies are still cookies, and it's important that kids eat wholesome healthful foods.

That being said, kids should definitely get to indulge now and then and there are lots of ways to make special treats at home. I love the Paleo Parents blog and their new cookbook 'Eat Like a Dinosaur.' In addition to recipes, the book includes an illustrated story about a sick little boy who starts to feel better after eating "like a dinosaur" (meat, fruits, and veggies). It's pretty cheesy but all of my kids love it. They often ask me to read it at bedtime. As an added bonus, most of the directions include steps for small helpers so the whole family can cook together. Best of all, you can try some of their recipes before ever spending a dime. We love their mini egg pizzas!

I mentioned earlier how annoying it is that even foods that don't need gluten are still made with it. Oats ought to be safe, but Quaker manufacturers all of their cereals in the same place, making even their oatmeal totally off limits. Bob's Red Mill brand is great for certified GF products and you can save money by buying in bulk and subscribing to Amazon's auto-shipping program. Rudy's, Udi's, Annie's Homegrown, Amy's, and Kinnikinnick are other great GF brands.

Remember, you'll need to change more than just your diet to keep your kids healthy. Lotion, shampoo, and even residual laundry soap can all be absorbed through the skin and so must also be gluten free. We use baking soda to wash our hair (just sprinkle and massage scalp) and we rinse with organic apple cider vinegar. Nothing harmful there! If you're not ready to be that hippie though, there are lots of great store-bought allergen-free products. We've had good luck with California Baby and you can buy their stuff in bulk at Costco or from Soap.com. If you're looking for less expensive options I think Dove products are safe as well. But you don't have to take my word for it. If you're even unsure of anything, call the 800 number on the back of the product, or you know, just Google it.

Dr. Bronner's pure Castile soap is the best option in my opinion because it can be used for everything- dishes, hand soap, shampoo, etc. and is even gentle enough for babies or kids with eczema (another common side effect of CD). We even use it to brush our teeth! It's slightly more expensive than most commercial soaps, but you can stretch your dollar by diluting it a bit. It's so effective that even watered down it still works well.

I make our laundry detergent because it's easy and works well. Trust me, I wouldn't do it if it was a pain and didn't save a lot of money. Wellness Mama and Mommypotamus are great for healthy DIYs. Use a double scoop of this recipe plus 1/4 cup of hydrogen peroxide on loads with lots of stains and let them soak a while before running your wash cycle.

In the kitchen, toss old Teflon pans and donate your used cast-iron skillet to Goodwill. Porous pots and pans are likely gluten contaminates.  Replace them with new-and-improved post-gluten cast iron and ditch the Teflon for good! If you're not accustomed to cooking with cast iron don't worry too much about the suggested "seasoning." Just use a paper towel or dish rag to wipe down the inside with some olive oil or lard and start cooking. If you keep it well oiled and use it often, it'll season itself in no time.

Because CD is an auto-immune disorder, you might not see improvement overnight. It takes time for the gut to heal, especially if you've been life-long gluten eaters. Daily doses of high-quality probiotics like BioKult, fermented Cod Liver Oil, and plain ol' raw honey can all help aid in a speedy recovery. 

Last, give yourself time to feel sad and pissed that things won't ever be "normal" again. Everyone feels that way. Your options are limited and sometimes I still cry at the grocery store. There are CD support groups for parents everywhere. Attend a meeting or two if you feel like you need it. And remember, it's just food. Hooray!

****

I often have friend (of friends of friends) ask about how to deal with other dietary restrictions and allergies as well. Most everything I've recommended is gluten, dairy, soy, and peanut free. If your kids suffer from seasonal or environmental allergies, in addition to great food, it might be wise to invest in a decent vacuum cleaner. Our Dyson "Animal" was worth every penny.

A New Favorite Photo

We are in Benicia, California and spent the afternoon playing in the mud "down by the bay." It's beautiful here, but we're just passing through. We've been visiting family and friends in Utah for a couple of weeks and are on our way back to Seoul. I haven't blogged in a long while, but I don't want to let this little space go for good.

Things have been busy. Good busy. I'm almost done with my bachelors degree and just ordered my first GRE prep book. I am scared to death, but I know I can do it (wish me luck anyway). I probably won't have time to blog more often than I have been, which is what, every six months?, but I promise to check in now and then. Speaking of checking in, these days I have a million alarms set on my phone and live by lists. Some to-dos but mostly goals. Here's what April looks like so far:

- Whole30 with Nate
- strict paleo kids: took me forever to get the hang of this. Cutting out cheese/yogurt seemed harder than sugar, gluten, and soy combined. But we finally nailed it and we need some serious vacation detox.
- start up "Three Mile Rule" again: I totally chickened out in the winter (Hello, our next door neighbor is Siberia!), but TMR basically means we'll walk/run/bike/jump-rope to any place within 3 miles of our house instead of taking a car or bus.
- go to bed by 9 pm every night: hey, a girl can dream
- 2 hrs GRE prep daily
- spring cleaning
- FHE every Tuesday
- send Thank You notes/cards
- practice push-ups daily: I meant to be able to do 17 "man push-ups" by my birthday last month (enough to pass an Army PT test), but I can still only do three. Oops
- Schedule acupuncture appointment

What are y'all up to these days?

Happy Christmas, 2012

A copy of the our Christmas letter (only you're luckier than the folks on my mailing list because I just thought to edit for typos).  Enjoy.

Dear ones all,

I’m writing this on Christmas morning. Seems fitting doesn't it? Is it weird to write a Christmas letter solely about food? As Nate prepares a breakfast feast of black eyed peas and freshly steamed taro root—the kids are thrilled, ahem—I realize this year’s highs and lows were mostly just  a series of culinary triumphs and catastrophes. When given a choice between the “good news and the bad,” Nate always wants the bad news first. I suppose that means I must confess that all our attempts at indoor gardening failed miserably. The last of our broad-spectrum fluorescent lighting sits in a jumble of boxes and wires at the front door, waiting to be carted off to the thrift store. We planted arugula and other various greens, pumpkins, Brussels sprouts, tomatoes and more without so much as a single sprout for our efforts. Frankie, on the other hand, grew a sunflower in her room in a paper cup. Go figure. 

Fortunately, we found salvation in a counter-top dehydrator and a Korean “beef and leaf” restaurant down the street we call “The Wooden Door Place.” (Betcha can’t guess why). We’re pleased to report that with just our tiny kitchen dryer we’ve fueled a near-constant demand for dried pineapples, mangoes, strawberries, apples, jerky, cinnamon-chili walnuts, bananas, apples, and plums.

As for The Wooden Door Place, we eat there so frequently we know the names of the owner’s children who are away for college and have memorized the menu. We recommend two orders of pork and a bowl of kimchi chiggae, though Asher makes special requests for the back fat and entrails. During our last visit, the hostess politely interrupted our meal to present me with a large new bottle of hand creme. A man dining across from us explained in broken English that she’d given me a gift because “[I am] very beautiful.” Fantastic!

Indeed, Koreans everywhere reward us for our good looks (wink, wink). At any given moment our children might be whisked away for photos with complete strangers. In return for their “peace signs” and ear-to-ear grins, the kids are showered with sweet treats and pocket-sized Hello Kitty notebooks. Candy-stuffed purses must be a rite of passage for all Korean women—I’ll bet a girl only gets her first $1,000 dollar handbag on the condition that she keep it brimming with goodies for small foreign children. It’s about the best strategy for “winning hearts and minds” I’ve ever seen—US Army take note!  Life in Korea is as fun and interesting as we’d hoped it would be.

Aside from copious amounts of pork and sugar, we’ve had our share of the strange and unidentifiable. Korea's soups are nearly as good as its infamous barbecue, but you’re sure to find a random squid tentacle or seafood something swimming through your dish. You know, we really should be used to it by now, but they get us every time. “Oh, a baby octopus in my chicken noodle soup. Of course!”

                When we’re not eating our way through Seoul, we keep busy with the usual day-to-day school, work, and chores. Natalie graduated from Seoul American High School in May, and went out with a bang! Her cheer squad took first place at Korean Nationals and KAYAK (the equivalent of “state” where they beat out all other military high schools in Korea and Japan), she earned a 4.2 GPA (how is that even possible?), played starting Center for the school’s Varsity soccer team, and was voted “Best Dressed.” My parents and grandparents flew in for graduation and we took a trip to Pusan, Korea’s gorgeous southern coast to celebrate. We were simultaneously crazy proud and devastated when she moved away for college, but are thrilled to have her “home” for Christmas! Aunt Nat breezed through her first semester at the University of Utah (math, biology, science, and French) and is majoring in International Relations and Business.

                In June, Nate moved to a new office—all the way across post—and now works as a medical plans officer for the command surgeon. The new job requires that he hang out at fancy dinners with Korean Army officers and attend conferences in Hawaii a couple times a year (I’m not bitter at all). This year he ran in two half marathons, and even organized one of them himself! Namsan Park, home of Seoul Tower, is his “happy place.” He runs to the top of the mountain and back every Sunday evening.  Nate’s parents, Kent and Andi, came to visit in October. We loved being with them to celebrate Kent’s 60^th birthday and show them our favorite Seoul sites. Because I’ve been in school full-time (more on that in a minute) Nate’s taken on most of the housework and cooking. There is nothing better than coming home from the library to find something warm and delicious waiting on the stove. Here’s the recipe for his latest masterpiece, “Ginger Cranberry Pork Chops,” because, believe me, this is one you’ll want to try at home. I dream about it.

2 lbs. Pork Chops, de-boned and cut in 1/2 in cubes

1 large onion

1 cup ginger infused apple cider vinegar (peel and roughly chop several inches of ginger root, pickle in organic ACV for about a week)

1/2 tsp. paprika

1 tsp. salt

1 Tbsp. minced garlic

1 cup crushed fresh cranberries

Simmer for an hour. Eat.

You’re welcome!

                As previously mentioned, I went back to school in January.  I’ll graduate this spring with a bachelor’s degree in psychology, and plan to pursue an MSW.  I’d like to dive right into grad school, but long-distance education may prove a bit tricky.  It’s possible I’ll work for a while here and finish my studies when we return to the states. For the past year and a half I served as Young Women President (youth leader for 12- to 18-year-old girls) at church. Our weekly meetings were often held at our house and Jensie was in heaven—all those cool teenage girls! In June I went to Girls’ Camp with them for a week at a religious retreat center here in Seoul. Each leader was assigned to run one “certification” (first aid, fire starting how-tos, that sort of thing) and I was in charge of the five-mile hike. Nate helped me plan a route along Namsan’s steepest trails that ended up being closer to eight miles than five. Oops. The girls complained the whole time! Haha, it's good for them. 

 Despite having very little free time, Nate and I still squeeze in a date every week. My “fitness dates only” rule, where we’d walk or ride bikes to a restaurant instead of taking a taxi or bus, lasted all of one date. I decided to spice things up by hauling Nate through rush-hour traffic on the back of my cargo bike and nearly killed us both…several times.   Memorable as that night was, our favorite date of 2012 was catching the new Les Miserables movie last week. Friends, you must see it. It was amazing!

Our whole family’s caught up in the Broadway craze. Jensie’s moved from Les Mis to Jekyll and Hyde and plans to audition for her school’s spring concert with a frightening rendition of “Confrontation.” I’ve pulled out the Show Boat and Seven Brides DVDs and Nate can’t stop belting “Bring Him Home.” 

Asher on the other hand, is a dancer at heart, and just started a K-Pop dance class after school. Though he aspires to someday be a plumber/doctor/adventurer, the boy can’t help but move to a beat. Much to the delight of passers-by, he often entertains himself on the subway and while standing in line with impromptu dance parties. He charmed crowds of anxious travelers at the airport last week with a well-executed “Gangnam Style” routine while we waited for Natalie's flight to arrive. 

As the family's most fluent Hangeul speaker, Asher's occasionally able to interpret for us. He enjoys listening in on other people’s phone calls and reporting the surrounding Korean gossip.

All of the kids are doing well in school, though Frankie and Asher still insist they want to go back to Korean school (click here if you don’t already know that story). I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. I, however, am thrilled to have them at Dwight International. The entire staff knows each of our kids by name and the kids get lots of love and attention there. 

Asher’s first grade class wowed me with a recent poetry presentation that included interpretive dance, power point presentations, oil paintings, and “heroic” xylophone music.   He is known throughout the school as the boy who won’t stop talking; his music teacher fondly dubbed him “The Man of 1,000 Facts.” This year he learned to read and then surprised us all by loving it so much he now reads well above grade level. His favorite books are the Captain Underpants and Diaper Baby series, but he sleeps with a copy of the latest Star Wars comic tucked under his pillow.

Jensie recently starred in the lower-school play “A Frog Too Far,” and stole the show as an immensely expressive mime. She was proud of her winter report cards that showed she excels in reading and writing, but “socializes frequently and talks too much in class.” She is her mother’s daughter. She's growing filthy rich with that pretty face of hers. She’s had several modeling jobs this year and it’s fun to stumble upon larger-than-life ads of Jens at the mall or on the websites of Korea’s trendiest children’s boutiques. I bought my first-ever laptop this year on Black Friday. That same morning, Jensie used some modeling money to buy herself an iPad. 

Though generally sassy, we’ve recently seen the emergence of Miss J’s oh-so-sweet side. We’re forcing her to be as strictly gluten-free as her siblings and we’ve seen a huge improvement in behavior, emotional control, and focus at school. But, what she lacks in wheat, she makes up for in sugar! I promised weekly homemade goodies in exchange for compliance. So far, so good. She is still a bit behind in math, but we’re determined to help her memorize those blasted multiplication tables over the Christmas break so she’ll be right on track when she returns to school in January.

Sweet-and-sour Frances just turned five and truly acts her age--singing at the top of her lungs one minute, stomping her feet and wailing the next. She still refuses to sleep in a bed, preferring the cool hard linoleum floor to her pink bottom bunk. According to Jensie, Frankie’s the “cutest girl at school” and loves her Pre-K teacher, Miss Emily.  Frankie loves to help cook and is learning how to “crack an egg.” She asks to practice several times a day so most of our pancakes and breakfasts these days are extra fluffy and topped with merengue. Little Miss loves tiny toys—Polly Pockets, Calico Critters—and princesses. Not one to be outdone by her siblings, she likes to practice reading and often asks for “homework.” She writes her name quite well. Though I’ve only read it to her once, her favorite book is Goose Girl by Shannon Hale. It’s a few hundred pages long and Frankie claims to have read it three times. That plump paperback is often tucked under her arm, so who knows? She taught herself to walk, talk, and swim, maybe she reads on a 5^th grade level now and I just haven’t noticed yet—my sneaky little prodigy.

Well my friends, this is surely the world’s longest Christmas letter and it’s time for me to wrap things up. Jensie received several new board games this morning and I promised to play with her. We hope this finds you happy and well. God bless you. Come see us in 2013. We’ll eat your surprise octopus for you and feed you lots of waffles!

Love,

Erin and all her Biglers- Nate, Jensie, Asher, and Frances

Queen Jensie of Whispering Willows

November 8, 2011- Class presentation on governments

Prep School Pretties, Good with Words

The last time I really blogged, the kids were dropping out of Korean school and I was a mess. Well, the latter's still true, but the kids were awarded scholarships to an international school here and are adjusting well. 

We love a lot of things about new school--the emphasis on the arts, the organic vegetable garden and solar panels on the roof, the pond with live turtles and fish where the kids have their life science lessons, the diversity of the student body, and the small class sizes. There are only six kids in Jensie's class! Three Koreans, two Saudis, and m'girl.

It has been decided that Frankie is the cutest girl in the school (while three-year-old Jamin in the Pre-K program is the cutest boy) and she is definitely spoiled. 

Asher, whose drama teacher calls him fondly, "The Man of 1,000 Facts" is the beloved class clown.

Mostly though, I love Jensie's teacher for encouraging Jensie to write her little heart out.  She's the "featured writer" this week at school, so I thought we'd feature her here as well. Here's a sample of a recent journal entry on the teacher-chosen topic:

The Saddest Day of My Life

Remember sweet Ollie? Aw.

I never knew my dog would change my life. It was a sunny day in Georgia I was five and my sister was one. My dad was gardening then suddenly I heard my dog Ollie yapping and barking. I looked over to see if he had found a squirrel or something but no, my sister was sitting by him gurgling and playing in the grass. So I thought nothing was wrong (that was a mistake)! 

So I went back to whatever I was doing. Then I went inside for a drink, and I was surprised to find Ollie lying on the floor with blood trickling out of his mouth and forming a small pool of blood near his head. 

I suddenly forgot about a drink, and ran to my dad as fast as my little legs could carry me. When I got to my dad I shouted, jumping up and down, “Dad! Dad! Ollie is hurt!” 

Well that got him. He dropped his shoveling spade and ran into the house with me. When we got inside, we found Ollie with his eyes rolled way back in his head and coughing up blood. So my dad got my mom, she was in her room, got my brother, I don’t know where he was, got my baby sister, and we drove an hour to the vet. 

When we got there we were afraid it was going to be too late. It turned out my baby sister had fed him a rock and it had gotten stuck in his lungs. We dropped him off and made sure he was ok on his own and drove home. 

We waited, and waited, for the phone to ring. We waited for the news that our dog was ok. I was nervous because I thought he wasn’t going to be ok. 

Finally the phone rang. My dad answered it and we waited once more for some good news. Finally, he came out from talking on the phone with a sad look on his face. “He…he…he didn’t m-m-make it,” he sighed and said. “I’m sorry.” 

And that was that. Ollie was gone.  

I was sad, but after Ollie died, we got another dog and I loved her too.

Glove Balloons Never Get Old

Korean Cuties

 This is probably the cutest thing I've ever seen.

 Field Trip

 Snack Time

 Look who speaks Hangul!

 Class Store- Frankie's Bookshop

 Bubbles!

 Class Store with Origami Purses- Frankie wears her bangles everywhere.

 Little Miss Eats Korean Food

Happy Tree Friends

Pusan/Busan by the Seashore

Didn't want to forget to post these before it's too too late. Nat's graduation request was that we go to the beach before she fly off to boring old college. My grandparents, dad, and step-mom Bonnie, all came for graduation and joined us for the trip. You know those blogs where every photo is so beautiful you just can't believe it? Well, this will be nothing like that, but we still had a blast.

We rented a little Kia minivan and scrunched together for a drive to the Southern tip of the peninsula. I liked seeing the changing countryside and the random Office Max in the middle of nowhere, but Pusan really did take the cake. That place is gorgeous! And we were there early enough in the season to mostly have the beaches to ourselves.

You'd never guess this was Natalie's trip since she's not in a single picture. Sorry, Nat! Maybe you should have done something cooler than lay-out for three days.  Our other guests only make cameo appearances as well. While we buried kids in the sand (over and over again) everyone else opted for long walks (so cliche) or site-seeing, so we don't have many pictures of them either. Bummer.

Ok, enough chit chat. Behold!

Pulling the Plug

Three cheers for doing something!

I sold my van before we moved here. A transatlantic move was the perfect excuse to finally sell the car and start commuting by bike like I'd been promising to do for so long. We arrived in the middle of a historically soggy monsoon season, so I didn't ride much, but we still got around on foot or by using public transportation. I loved it. The fact that we didn't have a car surprised or bewildered everyone we met. A car-free family of six is pretty good for shock-value. When people asked whether we were going to buy a car, I'd answer with a resounding no.

That lasted four months. Then we decided to enroll the kids in three different schools and they all got out at the same time. No matter how fast I ran, or even if I caught a cab, I couldn't be in three places at once. With the help of a car though, I could get from kid to kid pretty quickly. So, we bought a little Kia and I started driving every day. Oh, the embarrassment!  I mentioned it to my friend Anna one afternoon, that I felt dumb about how hypocritical I'd look to all those people who'd insisted we would eventually need a car. Anna just smiled and said "Well, who cares what they think? You love your kids so much that you're willing to look a little silly to do the right thing for them."

Those words have brought me comfort more than once, but never more than they did yesterday as I withdrew my kids from Korean school. They are going back to American school. Enrolling them at Bogwang was an agonizing decision and pulling them out was even harder. Jensie is failing and she hates it there. 

I really thought that at some point, something would click. That we just needed to "get over the hump."  I went to Panama when I was 18 as a foreign exchange student. Being immersed in a new language and culture was completely overwhelming. It was so much harder than I'd thought it would be!  I cried myself to sleep my first four months there. Then one crummy Friday, feeling lost and bewildered, I decided to write out 100 Spanish verbs in all their conjugation forms. I'd been studying those awful verbs for months, but that day, something finally clicked. I went back to school on Monday happy and fully conversant. It was so fun to understand everything being said, to finally be able to speak my mind, to make fast friends. I thought Jensie would have a similar experience. That if we could just see her through the hard part, she would get to enjoy and love the fun part that followed. Korean is a much more difficult language than Spanish, so instead of a few months, we've given Jensie a whole school year just to start to "get it."

Before the kids got out for summer break I met with each of their teachers for a very long and helpful conference. Jensie's teacher told me that if she wasn't able to catch up on everything she's missed (failed to understand) over the break, she would need to be held back a year. Math has been especially difficult because while Jensie was right on track in the states, she started Korean school already two years behind her peers.  American kids learn multiplication and division in 3-4th grade. Koreans have those stinkin' times tables memorized by the end of first. Determined to make this work, we increased her private tutor's hours, subscribed to Aleks, an online tutoring program, and oversaw hours of worksheets and math practice every night. The girl's worked hard. But she isn't caught up. HeeJin, the tutor, confirmed as much after her session last Thursday night. "Jensie does not understand the mathematics," she said. "She will not be able to keep up with her classmates when she goes back to school." 

I agree with HeeJin. I watched Jensie very carefully while the tutor was here. Have you ever asked someone for directions then realized you aren't going to remember anything they say? You need and want their help, so you try to pay attention, but it doesn't do any good. By the fourth U-turn you're like, yeah, uh-huh, okay, 'cause they're still talking, but in your head you're telling yourself you'll just go home and Google it? That is the look I saw on Jensie's face Thursday night. 

Jensie tried, really tried, to pay attention to what the tutor was saying, but about half-way through each sentence her eyes glassed over and she lost interest. She sat nodding, saying "Neh, neh (yes, yes),"  not really hearing what was being said. The expression on her face nearly broke my heart. She clearly didn't understand anything. Her tutor gave her instructions in Korean three times before saying in English, "Paper, Jensie. Please get two pieces of paper."  Ten months and she doesn't recognize the word for paper yet. I was stunned. No doubt that word's come up once or twice, or a thousand times, at school. It would be completely naive at this point to think she might catch up to her Korean classmates. 

Fourth grade is extremely difficult for even the best Korean students. They begin their competitive testing for high school placement in fifth grade, and fourth grade is the year to cram. Korean children study up to 6 hours each night. Without any reading or language comprehension there is no way Jensie would succeed.  Nearly a whole school year has passed and because the language never clicked, she's now three years behind her classmates in math instead of two. While she's been in Korean school not understanding anything, she's missed an entire year of English instruction of the math foundations she's trying so hard to grasp. 

Nate's in the field for three weeks, so I called him to tell him what I'd observed and what the tutor said. We'd obviously hoped Jensie would have more success at Korean school, but well, she didn't. We want to do what's best for her. After talking for a few minutes we decided that Jensie needs to be in American school. 

I went to the DoDs school first thing Friday morning. School starts in a week.  I'm a second-guesser so it's nice that we don't have much time to reconsider. Nate encouraged me not to regret their time in Korean school or the decision to pull her out. I'd be lying if I said we hadn't also discussed our finances a bit. Private tutors are expensive.  We spend more than $1,000 dollars every month to educate our children. That isn't much compared to the cost of private school, but it's still a lot of money.  We've been happy to pay it. Money spent on education is money well spent. But we're trying to get a fourth year here, and my math skills are better than Jensie's. The thought of paying over $50,000 dollars to watch my intelligent daughter fall behind her peers in both Korean and American schools makes me sick. 

Asher, on the other hand, has made amazing progress! He speaks Hangul very well and has long crazy conversations with the tutor that none of the rest of us understand. He plays Korean games and sings Korean songs. He's a beginning reader, but understands everything on the page. We couldn't be more pleased and are very proud of him. For all of Jensie's academic struggles though, Asher has struggled emotionally and socially. He's been in several fist fights, hasn't made friends, is picked on by his classmates, and bullies them right back. 

The school's administrators warned us that because Koreans put so much emphasis on "sameness" it's not always possible for foreign students to assimilate. A friend of Nate's, a doctor on post, told us about a little blond boy he was treating for ulcers caused from the stress of being teased about his looks by the Korean boys in his apartment complex. We hoped that we could teach our children to deal with that positively. We wanted to teach them that just because kids grow up thinking different things, we can still learn to be friends. 

This year we've seen a stressed and anxious side of Asher that we didn't know existed. Knowing how to help him cope with school life has been incredibly difficult. On the one hand, we see a need to discipline him when he acts out in class or gets in fights with other students. At the same time, we realize that he is doing those things because he's under an extreme amount of pressure and needs a lot of extra love and kindness. We have no doubt that in six more months Asher would be completely fluent in Hangul. Because he started early and has a good attitude in the classroom, he's set to succeed in Korean school as long as we're here.  But Jensie has been his only emotional support and playmate at the school and we don't think it's reasonable to expect him to stay there without her.

I was proud to tell people my kids were doing big hard things, but not that proud. It's humbling to admit defeat, but Anna was right. I care way more about my kids than I do about looking silly. One of the most important things I've learned from all of this is to really listen to my kids. Jensie has said from day one that she "can't" do this. My dad always used to tell me that "'Can't' means I don't want to." I guess sometimes "I can't" also means "I won't." I can force her to go to school, but not to learn. Jensie doesn't have to care about the things that matter to me. My time would be better spent teaching her to set goals and work hard to accomplish the things she cares about.  

While I was filling out the New Student registration forms at the school on post, a man sat down next to me and asked  where we're moving from. When I told him we've actually been here for a year but our kids have been in Korean school, he was impressed. 

"Yeah, but we weren't successful," I said, gesturing towards the registration forms. 

"I know," he said, "but how many families do you know that would even be brave enough to try it?" 

So, there is that. I am glad we tried. I hope my kids learn from that. I would like them to be proud of their courage and to try and try again. If they ever choose to learn Korean (on their terms, when they want to) they have a great foundation for it. The other day Jensie told me "Mom, you don't even know what I eat at school. I eat weirder foods than you've ever seen." That's cool too.  

Frankie will stay put. She loves Korean school and is not only learning Hangul but is really coming out of her shell. Our shy little blondie has lots of friends and loves her teachers. She's far enough removed from the other two, that the decision to pull them from Bogwang doesn't affect her much. I'm not sure whether she'll stay there forever. She won't be old enough for Kindergarten for another year, so we've got time to think about it.

Some of you will remember that we were homeschoolers before this adventure and may wonder why we aren't going to homeschool again. The answer is two-fold ( and a little bit selfish). First, Jensie has been in a new school every year of her life. Part of that comes from growing up in the military and sometimes change was a necessity. Sometimes though, it was entirely my choice. I chose to change it up. Again and again and again. There were pros and cons to each of those decisions. For example, when we moved to Utah while Nate was deployed, Jensie had to start over at a new school (again) but she got to know our extended family very well. We spent every weekend at my dad's and she got to go to Grandi's house for Christmas and Cousin's week. I developed a great relationship with my sister Natalie, who I'd never really known before, and spent quality time with my brother Trace who is now deployed to Afghanistan.  Those things matter, and are worth a lot. But we'd like to give our kids some stability here. We know they need consistency and haven't always had it. 

Second, I want to focus on my own education. I'm four months away from completing a bachelor's degree--all set to graduate this winter (next Spring at the latest depending on when my courses are available). We have a plan to buy the farm of our dreams. That plan involves a lot more education (a master's degree in Social Work) and a job for me. Homeschool is important to me, but so is teaching by example. I don't just want to tell my kids that people do big things. I want them to see me doing big things. There will be days when I have to study or write a paper and if my kids were home, their studies would suffer. Public school will be a something they can count on. 

I'm about ready to swear off definitive statements, but I feel confident saying this will be their last school in Seoul. I love being a mom, but hardly ever know what I'm doing.  Let's hope my learn-as-you-go approach doesn't ruin their lives for ever.

Fingers crossed!

Date Night Dosas

Korean style frizzy Frankie--she's so well enculturated!

Holly took Jens to the movies for her birthday last weekend, so we had a couple of tagalongs on date night. We thought we'd explore an area near our house that we've never walked through before. We followed our noses to a new Indian restaurant, and guess what? Everything they serve is gluten-free. I know, sounds too good to be true. Hallelujah!

We showed up in the middle of Dosa Festival and were the only Americans in the joint, so they really gave us the VIP treatment. I'd never had dosas before but they're round flat breads, similar to naan, made entirely of rice! I was pretty skeptical that there hadn't been any cross-contamination, but after our waiter assured us, "No wheat, only rice," at least 200 times, we decided to give it a try.

For less than $20 we split six types of dosas--egg, cheese, sweet onion, plain, curry vegetable, and...spicy? I can't remember the last one. They were served with sweet-potato-battered fried bananas and three delicious dipping sauces--spicy masala, coconut, and lentil.

We finished off the night with a shared mango lassi, but when we passed a Cheese Cafe on the way home, I almost wished I'd saved room for this

No, I'm just kidding. That looks awful. It's a terrible picture so in case you can't tell, that is a bowl of shaved ice topped with kiwi, tangerines, strawberries, sweet red bean paste, shredded cheddar cheese, and mozzarella balls. I love me some cheese, but I've got nothing on the Koreans. "Hello how are you" "Have a sweet dream" and "I love cheese" are the three English phrases every Korean seems to know.

It was such a great night out. Perfect weather, good food, and great company. Seoul is seriously so so cool. It's fun to live in a city so big that after walking to dinner nearly every night for a year there are still thousands of new things to see (and eat!) just a few blocks from home.

Nine

We decided to give Jensie something practical and totally age-appropriate for her birthday this year.  Makeup. It was the only thing on her birthday list. And what good is a little new lipstick without your own vanity desk to aid in its perfect application?  

Oh boy. Guys, I just don't know if I can do this growing-up thing. J's been watching all sorts of silly "smokey eye" YouTube tutorials and today she told me she wants to start dressing like she's "from the 50s." Goodbye cheap Gap t-shirts, it was fun while it lasted. 

Even she can't quite believe we caved. "You even got me mascara? Are you serious?" 

It's only for play 'til she's 20. Speaking of...

-20 questions for the birthday girl-

1. What is your favorite color? Black, green, and red

2. What is your favorite toy? Shadow, my stuffed husky
3. What is your favorite fruit? Starfruit
4. What is your favorite TV show? iCarly
5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? California rolls and orange juice
6. What is your favorite outfit? My gray shirt with the fluttery vest and my really short purple shorts
7. What is your favorite game? Colors. It's a swimming pool game
8. What is your favorite snack? Any fruit
9. What is your favorite animal? Lions
10. What is your favorite song? The Zombie Song by Stephanie Mabey
11. What is your favorite book? I love The Candy Shop Wars, The Fablehaven Series, and Mrs. Pigglewiggle.
12. Who is your best friend? Kayla K.
13. What is your favorite cereal? Cap'n Crunch. But you never let me eat it!
14. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Swim
15. What is your favorite drink? Rootbeer
16. What is your favorite holiday? Halloween *giggles* candy, candy, candy!
17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? Shadow, Big Toe, and Ivory, my white tiger
18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Bacon, eggs, pancakes, and orange juice. The works!
19. What do you want for dinner on your birthday? Pizza and rootbeer
20. What do you want to be when you grow up? The president

And now I'm going to give Jensie the best makeup tip I learned from Aunt Becky on Full House--less is more!

Happy Birthday Jensie Lissette. We love you.

On the Up and Up

I really wish blogs came with sound effects. Real life has cool ones but they're hard to explain. As I was rinsing shampoo out of my hair this morning my hands blocked the water from running over my ears for a second. When I moved my hands away, water gushed back with a burbling sound that was exactly like when Nintendo's Mario chances upon a lucky mushroom and grows a few inches bigger. It was awesome!

Summer's finally come to Korea--not a rain cloud in site (might last all of 6 minutes). Our neighbors invited us to spend the weekend with them at a water park about an hour from Seoul. The kids had a blast. Saturday was a perfect sunny day and we came home happy and sun-kissed. Asher's sure he looks "tanner." I'm not going to burst his bubble.

The big kids are at Vacation Bible School this week, eating Tootsie pops and collecting mosquito nets for children in Africa. Jensie was pretty adamant about not going, I think the name had her worried. Reading the Bible? For hours? For a whole week? Pass! But I figured, you know, Jesus + free stuff = no duh, they are going. This morning Jensie said our family prayer and thanked God for "the fun Bible camp." Mother knows best.

I turned in my final research project for peer review and plagiarism check this morning. Clicked 'submit' and nearly threw up. Plagiarism really freaks me out. Can you imagine anything worse than losing a semester's (or career's) worth of work because you misquoted or forgot to cite a reference? So much pressure! Thank goodness there's only one more week left to the semester. This one's been brutal. Sometimes I'm embarrassed that I'm still working on a bachelor's degree. I try not to let it get to me. I can't wait to graduate this winter. I'll bet the kids are as excited as I am. Every semester when finals roll around they pretty much fend for themselves. I (momentarily) ignored Frankie's request for a snack this morning so she improvised with a spoonful of ketchup and a glass of lemon juice. Sick.

Nate does such a great job supporting us. He makes dinner every night, helps the kids with homework, and tidies up the kitchen while I hole away upstairs pouring over research stats. This morning he had the kids fed and off to camp and the dishwasher running before I even got out of bed. Just in case he's reading this from work (which he sometimes does, that sweetheart)...

THANKS SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO, NATE. I LOVE YOU

and your hot body.